What is a Developmental Leap?
When I first started writing these posts, I had grandeur visions of being an expert father and caregiver, like, right away. People would come to me with questions and to seek advice, etc. Boy was I wrong. Instead, it feels like I should be starting this post by following the speaking rules of an AA meeting: “Hi, my name is Zach, and I can’t get my daughter to sleep at night without a pacifier.” Does that make me a failure? Sometimes it feels like it, but I think the answer there is, really, a big negative. And does it feel like I’m only ever talking about sleep? No, seriously, I’m asking, because it feels like I don’t think about anything else.
Welcome to Amateur Dad! My name is Zach McKiernan, and as of December 10th, 2023, I am officially a father. This blog (or journal/diary if no one reads it) is going to be my way of documenting all of the highs and lows of fatherhood, and everything in between. I will be writing these with the assumption that I’m the only person who will read it, so please bear with me if my line of thinking isn’t always so linear. If you feel so inclined, it would mean the world to me if you followed along by subscribing for free below.
To be totally honest, sleep feels like it has been an ongoing discussion in our household for the entirety of Vivienne’s (almost) 12 weeks of life. I think my own sleep deprivation is even starting to influence my dreams at night (last night I dreamt that I was getting drunk with Barbara Corcoran from Shark Tank at a baseball game, left my favorite hat in the bleachers, then spilled my entire wallet at a bodega and fell over - pure class. Also, why did Barbara have us sitting in the bleachers and not a suite??) It seems like the quality and quantity of Vivienne’s daytime naps can help us predict what kind of a night we’re going to have. More time napping = a better night of sleep, limited nap time = the exact opposite of a fun night. And apparently now we’re going through a developmental leap? WTF?
WFT is a Developmental Leap?
I’ve been told recently that there are 8 developmental leaps during a baby’s first year of life, The good news for me? We’ve already been through two of them relatively seamlessly. The bad news? I’m just finding out about these while I’m going through the third one, and still have five to go… According to a website called The Wonder Weeks, each leap has two phases, one where your baby is fussy and shows signs of regression, and another where they start to get more comfortable with the new skills they have developed. Take it from me, the fussy phase is as enjoyable as stubbing your toe for a week straight. Vivienne seems to be in that phase currently, and we’re dealing with naps that require 20 minutes of work to get her to sleep, followed by 45 minutes of actual sleep, like clockwork. And nights haven’t been much better. I’m talking 1.5-2.5 hour stretches of sleep. It feels like we’re back in her first week of life.
Now, do I know what skills Vivienne is developing during this phase? Hard no, I barely got out of college with a degree, you think I know anything about baby development? However, after a brief Google search, it seems like this developmental leap can be boiled down to ‘less jerky movements.’ Whatever she’s learning though, I’d hardly call it pain-free or seamless, and we’re still waiting on the smoother movements.
Other Recent Developments
Beyond this incredible week of development (that should be read with extreme sarcasm), Lauren and I have also been dealing with some other firsts. For example, Vivienne now has her first cold, although it could very well be her second one. It started with a dry cough, quickly followed by nasal congestion, and this began around February 11th/12th (again, time is a construct that is not used by me, possibly all new parents). We visited the pediatrician on Tuesday or Wednesday of that week and were cleared of the three major concerns: Covid, RSV, and the flu. Knowing that, the good doctor told us it’s likely just a cold and it should pass in a week. Well, we’re starting week 3 here and the congestion seems to come and go as it pleases. So I’m of the opinion that we may have caught cold number two while just getting through cold number one.
Needless to say, beyond the fussiness from the leap, we’re also dealing with a cold. And to add salt to that wound, we also put Vivienne on her first flight as we’ve come back to Seattle to spend some time with both of our families (I know, we’re great parents). Luckily, the flight was fine, she slept most of the way, including takeoff and landing, and only had a single blowout where she needed an entire wardrobe change. Of course this was during a bout of turbulence, please keep your seatbelts fastened people. So yeah, I think we’ve also thrown her circadian rhythm off as well. It’s like the holy trinity of bad sleep. Or bad parenting? Jury’s still out.
Parenting is Tough
Whoever said having kids was easy flat out lied to me. Maybe no one said that, but no one tells you how tough it is either. People largely talk about how cute their kids are or the fun/funny things they do, but fail to mention that to be a good parent is all-consuming. And I’m not claiming to be a good parent, but at least I try, which is more than some people can say. When I say that it’s all-consuming though, I really mean it. My response time to texts used to be bad (like a day or two), now I’m lucky if I even respond at all. Lauren had to remind me to respond to my own grandmother! (Sorry Grandma!) In a group text with two of my good friends the other day, I had 21 missed texts before I caught up and got a response off. Next time I checked, I had another 12 to catch up on. I said to one of them who has 3 kids that I have no idea how he does it, because I’m struggling to keep up with my regular life with just one kid. He said he was running on 3 hours of sleep, so I don’t know if either of us is truly thriving yet. Maybe he is, who knows?
Lauren said to me yesterday that couples with kids mostly fall into two camps (this based on her own research). Camp A finds it difficult to transition from no kids to one kid, and Camp B has a hard time with the transition from one to two kids. Here I am desperately hoping that we fall into Camp A, because if this is the easier of the two transitions, then I’m in need of some serious help. And maybe a stiff drink (he says while writing this before noon). Anyways, to all the fathers out there trying to be a good dad, you’re doing great. Keep going, the kids need you.
Parting Note
In case you’re interested in what parenting material I’m consuming this week, if the whole theme of sleep somehow snuck past you, I’m reading Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief currently. Lauren thought it was great and so far I’m finding it pretty helpful as well.
If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading my thoughts! Truly, I appreciate every one of you that opens this. If you would like to keep hearing about my experiences as I stumble through raising a baby, please subscribe with your email below!